What Does Normal Look Like?

I lost two days because of my latest meltdown. The only way I could deal with the pain was to medicate. I had to cancel EMDR as well, which made me really angry with myself. Waking up today, I’m still not in the greatest of spaces but I made the call to bath, shower, dry […]

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One Of A Kind

I love this jumper. I am one of a kind. There is no other like me (some would say, thankfully). Why I do what I do, how I behave, how I share my life, what I say, how I say it, and why I do what I do is all one of a kind. Some […]

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My Life With CPTSD

Second EMDR session today. It drains me. I slept for 14hrs after my first so will be interesting to see how tonight goes. Processing Trauma is fucking hard. I spent the entire session, as I did the first, just sobbing. It’s hard. I don’t like my therapist. Liking her would be wrong. What she does […]

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What To Do When “That Day” Happens?

Many people have asked me what to do, who to contact and how it’s expected for you to be when your person dies, so I thought I’d share what I’ve learned during the last 6 months. What to do? Be hysterical. Be calm. Be whatever you need to be. There are no rules when your […]

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Acceptance

Holiday 2 of 4 cancelled. Part of me is pleased because COVID the Cunt is still amongst us. When I add to the fact I’m nowhere near ready to leave the house and mingle with people, it makes for a good outcome. The other half of me is conflicted; I should leave the house, I […]

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142 Days

How do people who have suffered trauma cope with lockdown, with every day a Groundhog Day of pain? I can only speak for myself, but I’ve been on my own lockdown for the last 142 days. Yes, I’m counting. Each day presents new or repetitive challenges but the basis is the same. Dealing with the […]

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A Little Goes A Long Way

I’ve always bounced back. From every knock I’ve ever experienced, I’ve found a way to reflect, rebuild and go again. My Psych on Wednesday was pretty hard. He pushed me to recall really difficult stuff, he challenged my thinking, my self-esteem, my perception. Considering it was the second day after we said “in a bit” […]

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Grief. You’re a Prick!

On 13th December 2019 my husband, Mark, passed away. The reason he passed was unexpected, the Coroner came back with `undetermined’. That shit is hard to reconcile with. Mark was 52. Christmas and New Year passed in a blur, as have the days and weeks since. How can I possibly explain how I feel right […]

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Do Epic Shit. Just Because You Can.

I want to attempt a running marathon, I really do, but sense got through to me this morning, just in time to stop me signing up for the Berlin Mara next September. My knees are shot, I know that and, with a possible exception for the GNR, my long distance running efforts are over. So […]

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Challenge, Barriers, Solutions and Boobs. #cipdACE17

Day 2 of the CIPD Annual Conference and Exhibition in Manchester. I started by attending The Big Conversation, hosted by CIPD Manchester branch, Rachael Burnham and Gem Dale featuring Gary Cookson and supported by Mark Hendy. Creating the culture of trust in organisations that we need. How do we do this? What are the barriers? Phil […]

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